I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
