Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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