If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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