When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
