his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
