Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Sorry about my life...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
my liver is dry heaving
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
