i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
