i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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