Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
