I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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