do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I lost the right to judge tonight
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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