sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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