I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
