i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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