Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
OPIZZABONMYDICK
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
