We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
