Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize