She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
