I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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