My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
