why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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