my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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