He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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