Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
