Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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