OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
