I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
