my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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