dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
