woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
