Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I am midnight drunk by noon
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
