That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
