are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
either way he was missing a nipple.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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