If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
this boner is exhausting
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize