Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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