I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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