i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
