I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I skipped work to stalk him.
only you would photoshop your dick
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
