somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you win again, gameday.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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