Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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