Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
