i jhust puked up my retainher.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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