Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
