Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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