It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize