He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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