I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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