$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
