Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
