i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
