oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
