Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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