I love black thongs
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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