Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just found puke in my bra..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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