DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
