i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
