are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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