you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
