Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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