She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
