Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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