32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
how do you play pong handcuffed?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize