You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
