Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
