There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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