god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
