Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
