I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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