Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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