Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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