its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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