I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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