We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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