dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
