Only a mothe r could love this liver
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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