It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
