I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize